This Just In: F*#!, We’re dumbasses.


Turns out Citigroup, America’s largest private bank, is in big trouble thanks to all those unpaid sub-prime mortgages, losing billions and billions of dollars in its last quarter ($10 billion, give or take) which means big trouble for thousands of their employees who will soon be without jobs, and for Citigroup, taking a que from others like Morgan Stanley and Merrill-Lynch, a monstrous international bail-out, involving Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and Singapore. Meanwhile, the dollar is shedding weight like it’s on NutriSystem, foreclosures are rampant, credit card debt is stagnant and festering on a national level and oil prices are blowin’ up, y’all. It all amounts to our out-of-control economy spiraling toward unthinkable catastrophe, which is why’s top story is the soon-to-be Lifetime Network movie about the murder of pregnant Lance Cpl. Maria Lauterbach (as well as a special Live link to the Congressional Hearings on steroid use in baseball).’s top stories include a virulent staph infection spreading among gay men and the happy killing of a terrorist leader’s son by Israeli tanks and helicopters.

Both sites have links regarding President Bush’s efforts to pursuade OPEC to lower skyrocketing oil prices, and something about a US Embassy vehicle exploding in Beirut, sandwiched between links to the ongoing Britney Spears custody saga, a UFO sighting in Texas and a real live turtle who can not only shake hands, but also play dead. The 2008 Presidential Race has some coverage at CNN, including a commentary on whether some candidates are “too good-looking for their own good”, and the volleying of sort-of-racist-but-not-really comments between the Clinton and Obama campaigns, while FOXNews covers the Republican candidates as they “Cruise the Detroit Auto Show”.

Also: American Idol premieres tonight.


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